Too Soon

Yesterday I cried

Today I am somber

Tomorrow I may smile

Who really knows

Surely not me

I just cry

Questions aren’t answered

Not the way I want

Makes me sad

So I cry

Life is gone

Memories are real

Dreams allow us to see

Only for a moment

A friend we lost

Too soon

Your home within the ground

Where we shall mourn

Saying goodbye

To a friend

The rain fell

As we stood to grieve

Holding onto our memories

Not walking away

Just standing

To cry

We all took a single red rose

In honor of your life

We love you

Our friend

In memory of

Mark "Stumpy" Swearingen

8/30/86 - 11/10/08

RIP - "Stumpy"

One moment...that’s all it takes to change our lives forever. It’s those left behind that are stuck picking up the pieces. Our loved ones are given the burden of trying to make sense of it all. Our friends are determined to search for answers to the unanswerable. It’s the world left behind that has to find a way of moving forward when time seems to be standing still. All of this...a result of that one moment. A future that has suddenly changed...lives suddenly destroyed.

Our worst fear is the phone ringing in the middle of the night; debating whether or not to answer. The dreaded feeling of sorrow and morbidity soon follows. The doctors fight frantically to save the life of a man cherished by many; a man unconditionally loved by a beautiful young woman. There she sat...faithfully...in the waiting room of the Intensive Care Surgical Unit. She was surrounded by family and friends - they loyally kept vigil beside her.

Her tears would come and go, as if controlled by some time-sensitive device. Every now and then, you could see the glimpse of a smile; one that would fade as quickly as it arrived. Her fears could be felt by all those around her...they shared those same fears. She would not leave this building anytime soon...this is where she belongs. There she sat, patiently waiting to see what tomorrow brings. This is her life - her future. Slowly, the waiting room empties. One by one, friends hug her and say their good-byes. We all planned on returning the following day to show our support and love for a friend. A visit that we never had the opportunity to make.

A day that I will never forget...November 10, 2008. The day my son lost a very good friend. He never had to experience a moment like this before. When he called me, the tears began to flow instantly. I knew this young man when he was just a boy...he was the most gentle soul you would ever find. He turned into a handsome man that was ready to dedicate his life to one woman. That woman is also a good friend to my son. All I could think of was her...I continued to cry. I knew I could console my son...console his friends...but this girl, she just lost her entire world. There isn’t much you can say to someone in that position. After all, instead of planning her wedding, she’s planning a funeral.

When I arrived at the viewing, it was already over - I knew it would be. As soon as my shift ended at work, my goal was to get there in time to see her. Walking through the door, my mind was filled with flashbacks of my father’s viewing a little over two years before. Once inside, I turned the corner and there she sat. I watched her for a moment before I walked over to her...mostly to gain my own composure. As I took her into my arms, neither of us could control our emotions. Neither of us could speak. She knew I was there for her...I will be forever. That is where I left her. She said her good-byes while alone in the room with him. That’s the way it should be. I don’t know what she said to him...I can only imagine. The memories of that one moment will stay with her forever.

That night, none of us got much sleep. Maybe that’s part of the whole grieving process...maybe we were just trying to understand. I spent that whole week before the services calling everyone I could think of. It turns out a very close friend of mine knew him...I had no idea. When I finally thought to say something to her, it was two hours before we attended another friends wedding. It was the wedding of a man who was with him the night before the crash. As all of us friends were together to celebrate, we couldn’t help but mourn. The wedding was beautiful...as it ended, we were signing a sympathy card. Something that seemed surreal at the time.

There’s an old saying that when rain falls, it means the angels are crying. The morning of the funeral, the rain fell for hours. Maybe there’s some truth behind that. All I know, is that when I was standing alongside the grave, the rain hitting my body felt like thousands of needles...but, I didn’t feel a thing. I didn’t feel the rain...I wasn’t cold...the only sense I had was complete numbness. Glancing around, there were so many people paying homage to this man. The lives he touched seemed endless...people were everywhere. There was no way to make sense of losing someone who was only 22 years old. A man that had his whole future ahead of him.

The time has come to say our farewells. Time to pay our respects to his parents, his fiancé, his 2 year old son...that was the hardest of all. This little boy will only have visions of his father that others provide him...the stories - the pictures. On Father’s Day, he will visit a grave...he will speak to the ground with the hope that his daddy will hear him. Hopefully, one day he will accept what has happened - when he’s old enough to understand. The world lost a friend...a woman lost love...a little boy lost his dad. As for me, I’m still trying to come to terms with why the good die young.

They say that time heals all wounds...that’s not true. The wounds are only masked by the new memories we make. For if those wounds heal, there’s a chance we could forget. It’s the times that are behind us...the tears we shed...the love we lost that form our lives. Without those moments, what would become of us...who would we be. In all reality, those wounds should be used to shape the person we choose to become. They should be kept in the forefront of our minds. Given enough time, the tears will be replaced by a smile...the smiles replaced by laughter...the wounds will fade and be replaced with strength. At that moment, we will allow life to move forward instead of having it stand still.

Today, I will begin to pick up the pieces of my sorrow...I will put them to good use. The final goal is an attempt to make every tomorrow better for those who are grieving today. Maybe a crash site memorial...maybe a story...something for those left behind to hold onto. It may not seem like much - but it’s what I have to offer them. And for one special woman, it may provide a sense of compassion and love. That in itself...is the only thing that matters.

The Good Die Young

This page is dedicated to the lives lost...to those who were loved...to the one's we shall miss forever.

As the memorials are being prepared, please keep those of us who are grieving in your prayers.

Rest in Peace...we love you

Mark "Stumpy" Swearingen - 22 years old (Nov. 2008) - One of my oldest son's best friends. We love you Stumpy...the world lost a great man when you left us.

Travis Miller - 15 years old (Feb. 2009) - One of my youngest son's friends. None of us saw...I'm sorry...you will be missed.

Joe Welch - 18 years old (Feb. 2009) - One of my oldest son's friends. I wish one of us could have seen your pain...offered help...you will be missed.