Keeping it Secret

My tumor...my life...my decision. When it comes to the reality that your life is hanging in the balance, you need to decide how to approach it. I've made my decision. When I get my blood work done next time, it will be the last. Facing what has been dealt to me was hard. Accepting it was even harder. I've come across so much 'fake' sympathy during this...I can't take it anymore. So, my tumor has become my secret. The people who deserve to know, already do.

I know what my life will be like from now on. I know who my friends are. It's now up to me on how I handle it. My stories will be shared with the hopes of helping someone else. It's important for people to realize that they are not always alone. My words can be the rock that other cancer survivor's have to lean on. The hardest decision that I ever had to make was walking away from my testing...and here is why I'm doing it...

I have one kidney...and it's a tumor. I live every day in so much pain, but I make it through. When I wake up in the morning, it's up to me to be happy...to make the most out of my life. I don't have insurance. So, there is nothing that can be done anyway. My thought process now has to turned from wanting to know...to needing NOT to know. When anyone gets bad news, it feeds into our minds. It's a dagger that can never be removed from our hearts. Believe me, you can not fear that which you do not know...so, I choose not to know.

I want to live how ever much longer I have enjoying life...I can't dwell on the sorrow of it anymore. This is something that will get the best of me...so for now, I retain the upper hand. This is MY life...not the tumors life. I shall smile when I want to cry...hug my children when I want to hide...and live when I feel like I'm dying. When it comes my time, do not cry for me...just make my legacy live on.

If I Could...

If I could change the past

Would I even try

Looking over the years

All I did was cry

So what would it really hurt

To change a couple things

Maybe walk away

The day I got the ring

6 Steps To Fame

Does Tough Love Work...

Thursday night was going just as smoothly as any other night at work...until the phone rang.  The boss informed me that it was my son.  At first, I was a little thrown off guard - he was supposed to be spending the night with his father.  Well, it was him...and he was at home with the police...waiting for me! 

He decided to sneak out to a friend's house and light off some fireworks.  That must not have been fun enough for them because they decided to take a tube of paint and put the gun powder (out of the fireworks) into the paint tube.  They even finished their little concoction with a little fuse...and when I say little...it was less than a half inch!  Now, what could be considered a harmless firework was transformed into a bomb.  One that could have proved deadly if they would have lit it!  I'm sure you could imagine my reaction...

I walked into my house and the only thing that saved my 15 year old from me grabbing hold of him was the police officer in my living room.  I don't remember ever being that angry and disappointed in my life.  After all, he could have seriously injured (or killed) himself or someone else...and he doesn't realize it!  I'm a very protective mother, BUT not this time.  It's important that he suffers the consequences of his actions.  When it goes to court, I'm asking the judge to order community service to be split between the burn unit at a hospital and the local fire department.  With that punishment, he would be given the torture of seeing first hand what could have happened.  My son hates blood, scars and anything squeemish...so, that is my creative idea!  I only hope the judge goes for it.

As for my son, they don't know how to charge him yet.  I won't find out until Monday afternoon.  They are going to try to classify it as a pipe bomb, but with the amount of gun powder used, it might be a higher charge.  Whatever it is, it's all on him...it was his error in judgement that led him down this path!  I will be there to help him make the right choices through this.  And, hopefully he will learn his lesson.  He has a good amount of time to think about it considering I took away his phone, computer, and the video games! 

Ending the Cycle of Violence

Everywhere we turn, there are hidden dangers lurking. The most hidden would be domestic violence. Most cases are not reported due to embarrassment or fear. There is a way to end this vicious cycle, if we would just get up enough courage to make a change. Eventually, there are people out there who will see through the excuses made. It's time...if you feel you are in danger, to walk out the door.

There are numerous victims out there who don't realize that they are victims. They feel that their partner can be changed. Domestic violence comes in more than one form. Most of them leave no visible evidence. That lack of evidence doesn't make the abuse less devastating to the victim. We have certain rights as Americans that protect us from danger, provide us with freedoms, and keep us safe within our country. For thousands of people, those same securities provide no comfort within what should be the safety of their homes. This needs to end. The cycle needs to be stopped; and it can be.

Domestic violence shows itself in many ways. It isn't primarily a title held only by physical violence. Other forms include name-calling, threatening and throwing things. When something comes flying in your direction that doesn't fly on its own, rest assured, that is a form of violence. If you are told that you are a horrible parent (and you know different) you have the same result. The day threats are made to leave you high and dry with nothing yep, you guessed it.

End the cycle now, while you know that there is still time
Be willing to learn the lessons that will be passed on to you from this
Move forward with the rest of your life without looking back

The first step to curbing domestic violence is to admit that you do not deserve it. Although that will take a while to do, the rewards will be immeasurable. There are counseling centers set up throughout the country to help any victim in need. There are toll-free 800 numbers for you to call 24 hours a day, even if it's just to talk. No one is there to pressure you into making any rash decisions that you are not emotionally ready to make for yourself. When push comes to shove, know that your corner is full of supporters. The day you realize that, the embarrassment will soon wear off and your self-pride will be restored.

One thing to remember is it's NOT your fault. If you have children, they need to know the same. Domestic violence affects the entire family. If it is not put to an end, that cycle will be handed down to your children in one way or another. In a lot of cases, there will be dire consequences. So, act now. There is no time like the present to realize that your life, safety and happiness are worth a lot more than you were ever told they were. Life is full of hurdles; this can just be one bump in your road to the future. In some ways, it may make you a stronger person. It will change the way your children look at you. They will begin to see a person of courage that will protect them at any cost. Your strong will and determination can prove to be a better cycle to pass down to your future generations.

There are some perpetrators out there who think you can put a price tag on the lives of others. One thing needs to be said to them a person's life is priceless. There will come a day when that same person will run across someone who is bigger and stronger than they are. What will happen then? Will a lesson be learned? Or will they still think that they are invincible? For your own safety, don't be there when that day comes.

Take a word of advice from one who has been there, it will be the hardest thing you have ever done. You will cry more than you ever thought you would. You will still make excuses for everything. But one thing is for certain...that too will pass.

Self Awareness...

It would definitely be easier if I had no self awareness...maybe even less drama! Life just seems to be one cruel joke after another. Unfortunately, I'm aware of it every step of the way and nothing seems to change. That's the worst part...just going through each day wondering what could possibly go wrong this time! And it never ceases to amaze me that YES...it can get worse!

Such is life - sometimes we all just have to drop our heads in defeat and wait for the next challenge. Bringing me back to the unending cycle of drama...I hate drama! I get up in the morning, take my son to school, get some coffee, go home and write. Then I take my other son to work, go to my youngest sons football, drive him home and write some more. Sleep is a pleasure when I actually get to do it. At 3 in the morning, my phone rings to pick my son up from work...then the cycle starts all over again! Who am I, you ask...I have no idea anymore!

When I found this category to write in, I honestly had no idea what they meant by 'Satire'. But, after reading pretty many of the stories on here I came to my own conclusion about it. I'm assuming that the satire group means that I can be as sarcastic as I wanna be. Go figure, sarcasm just happens to be my specialty! I'm fed up with the world...all of it. People suck, they have bad attitudes, and no one seems to care about anyone else anymore. What makes me different? It could be the simple fact that I give a crap about people...I like to do the right thing...hell, I have a conscience!

If only other people could be as aware of themselves the way I am! It would make the world an easier hell-hole to live in. I've been asked if I believe there's a heaven...of course I do. It's not only because I was raised catholic - it's because I believe there has to be something better than this! If only I could see it...

I spend my days wondering when I'm going to get the next threatening phone call or email. I wonder when my ex (that tried to kill me) is ever going to find me. And I wonder what my purpose is in this thing so many people call life. I thought I had a purpose...something worth waking up every day for...a reason to smile and laugh. It all seems to fade out as quickly as it shows up. There's no warning...it's there one day...gone the next! Leaves me to wonder why we even bother anymore. So, do I possess self awareness - unfortunately, I do. Most of my days are spent with the one hope that I could forget a lot of things that I don't want to know. That'll never happen. I seem to be just as aware of reality...and reality is worse than drama!

OJ Simpson... Finally Guilty

The verdict was read...guilty on all 12 counts. Well, it's about time! The man got away with murder in criminal court, was found financially liable in civil court, and thought the law was beneath him. Finally, the justice system prevailed.

He is the perfect example of people in the spot-light who think they are invincible. It all catches up with you at some point. So, my reason for writing this little pointless article...it's simple...

OJ Simpson will be sentenced on December 5th...my birthday. He faces life in prison for the charges he was found guilty on. That would NOT be long enough considering he walked away after brutally murdering 2 innocent people. He is finally getting what he deserves...happy birthday to me!