Child Support Criticism

I am a mother...I have two teenage sons...and I struggle. Now, what I'm about to say will probably shock a lot of people. But, I feel that the child support system in this country should be done away with. Save it for the dead-beat parents who choose NOT to take care of their children. The economy is now something that is affecting everyone negatively...it's an unavoidable situation. With the excessive amounts that these parents are paying monthly for support, there is no way for anyone to get ahead. I'll share a couple stories with you and maybe then you'll understand why I look at this the way I do.

Starting with myself...I was raised by my father. He worked full-time and then some to take care of me. Never once did he take my mom for support. That is an ethical decision that he made 30 years ago...and in turn, he passed those beliefs onto me. My dad was the rock that I always had to lean on. He taught me how to be a good person...how to think of others. He instilled in me the beliefs that when you have a child, it's your own responsibility to care for that child. I had what I needed at my dad's house...I had what I needed at my mom's house. That's just the way it was. He always told me that there is no reason to take away from another parent with the intention of having more for yourself. That is what support means to me...it's a weapon. All it does is put a price tag on a child's head. It leads to resentment between everyone involved. When you are an adult, it's your job to take care of your own bills - to support yourself. It's up to both parents (equally) to provide for their children within their own households. That is what I believe...that is how I am raising my boys.

Now, I will tell you about a friend of mine. He is paying almost $1400 a month in support for his 2 children. It infuriates me because his ex was the one that left...she was cheating on him and moved her and the children in with another man. He sees his kids very often and is active in their everyday lives. He only makes about $40,000 a year - now you do the math! He lives alone and has his own bills to take care of...his ex moved in with another man, both of whom work full time. My friend was giving her money out of his paychecks every week for things the kids needed...be did it because he wanted to. She didn't feel the couple hundred he gave her weekly was enough...so, she took him for support. Now, she makes more than him and lives in a household that has another income...and she still gets almost ALL of his money. At the hearing, the judge told him that he should have thought about the consequences before he had kids. That is the most appalling thing I've ever heard! He had to move back in with his parents...probably for a very long time to come. And he is not the only friend of mine going through that same thing.

I feel that the child support system should focus more on taking care of the children and not financially taking care of the other parent. It should be used for parents that are NOT active in their children's lives on a regular basis. There should be a little more compassion towards mankind when it comes to the support system. Our economy is spirally downhill and the support system is feeding into the frenzy...it seems to choose a side without knowing the background on why both parties are in the courtroom. In 13 years, I never took my ex for support...and now you know why. I struggle to pay my rent and other bills...he drives a Jeep and owns a Corvette. His money is his...my money is mine. But, the respect we have for each other and the beliefs that we possess in raising our children the right way leaves us on an even playing field. I know if I need something bad enough, he will be there to help provide it for the boys. And that is what matters the most...we are BOTH there for our children when we need to be. Maybe the court system should look at the bigger picture before deciding the financial fate of the parties standing before them. They should look at their involvement as parents...not the size of their bank accounts.