Keeping it Secret

My tumor...my life...my decision. When it comes to the reality that your life is hanging in the balance, you need to decide how to approach it. I've made my decision. When I get my blood work done next time, it will be the last. Facing what has been dealt to me was hard. Accepting it was even harder. I've come across so much 'fake' sympathy during this...I can't take it anymore. So, my tumor has become my secret. The people who deserve to know, already do.

I know what my life will be like from now on. I know who my friends are. It's now up to me on how I handle it. My stories will be shared with the hopes of helping someone else. It's important for people to realize that they are not always alone. My words can be the rock that other cancer survivor's have to lean on. The hardest decision that I ever had to make was walking away from my testing...and here is why I'm doing it...

I have one kidney...and it's a tumor. I live every day in so much pain, but I make it through. When I wake up in the morning, it's up to me to be happy...to make the most out of my life. I don't have insurance. So, there is nothing that can be done anyway. My thought process now has to turned from wanting to know...to needing NOT to know. When anyone gets bad news, it feeds into our minds. It's a dagger that can never be removed from our hearts. Believe me, you can not fear that which you do not know...so, I choose not to know.

I want to live how ever much longer I have enjoying life...I can't dwell on the sorrow of it anymore. This is something that will get the best of me...so for now, I retain the upper hand. This is MY life...not the tumors life. I shall smile when I want to cry...hug my children when I want to hide...and live when I feel like I'm dying. When it comes my time, do not cry for me...just make my legacy live on.